The Secret to Staying Sharp as You Age? Don’t Have Sons, Apparently

According to a study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research by Columbia University in New York and Charles University in Prague, parents of sons experience cognitive decline at a much faster rate compared to parents of daughters. So, if you have a son, you can probably expect some concentration and memory difficulties, and maybe even dementia, to hit you a little bit faster than if you just had a daughter. The study involved over 30,000 participants aged 50 and up, with 13,000 parents who had at least one son. They received regular testing of their mental skills with tasks that sussed out their word recall and mathematical abilities. Some of the tests were simple, like being given a list of 10 words that they had to remember, or a little bit more complicated like counting down from 100 in increments of seven (100, 93, 86, 79, etc.). ## Videos by VICE The research teams found one recurring theme throughout all of their data: having a boy is basically a death sentence for your brain, and having multiple boys seems to make things even worse. Your sons are probably destroying your brain and researchers have no idea why. But they’ve got some theories. One is that they think daughters are more likely to provide emotional, physical, and psychological support to their parents as they age. The study’s lead author, Katrin Wolfova, says this is because daughters often take on the role of informal caregivers while sons seem ill-equipped to offer the same level of emotional care, hastening cognitive decline. The study goes on to cover its ass in various other ways like acknowledging that there are other factors at play. Diet, lifestyle, and genetics all contribute to the cognitive health of any human on Earth, including a parent with sons. The real lesson here is that it couldn’t hurt to raise your sons to be a little bit more caring and empathetic, not just for the world but for selfish reasons, just in case you make it to a ripe old age and need your progeny to take care of you the way you took care of them when they were children. If you raise a snotty little brat boy who doesn’t give a shit about you, all of a sudden that little shithead is going be the one you’re begging to take care of you in your twilight years. ## More From VICE - (Photo by Philipp von Ditfurth/picture alliance via Getty Images) - Lauren Levis, who died after taking iboga at the Soul Centro retreat in 2024. (Photo courtesy of the Levis family) - Photo by Paul Brown/Shutterstock - Children at the Friedrichshof Commune dance with renowned artist Joseph Beuys. Inka, aged four, holds his right hand.